Preparation in isolation

Preparing me to have a heart for him, so that I can have a heart for his people. It won't happen overnight. I can tell you that firsthand because he has to still deal with us not wanting to change our ways at first. God has to begin working through us in subtle changes. I had to be in isolation to stop listening to foolishness and seeing the chaos around me as normal. He needed me to get in a place that I would seek him and hear what he is trying to instruct me to do.

Changing my coping mechanisms, my emotional intelligence, my spiritual intelligence, the way I took care of myself and my home. The way I treated the people that God was putting in my life for a lifetime. Teaching me to how to properly love myself so I can pour from my overflow. Looking to serve the people around me not for praise but because he made me to serve.

He was developing me in training me to who I needed to be in my personal life and home. So that when the blessings poured in that I would move that way on autopilot. God had to build up his trust in me with the little things so he could trust me with the bigger things. He had to show me I could handle the things that were hard for me with pure intentions. So, I could trust that I would move with pure intentions in everything.

I won't lie and say it was easy. It was hard to face myself and know that in every situation as an adult that I had to accept accountability for the things going wrong in my life. It was hard losing friends and having to sit with myself. It was hard to stop smoking and drinking and deal with my heartache and pain. To face that I had let myself get numb to everything. That I didn't know how to properly process what I was feeling. Not being able to attract the love I wanted because I didn't know how to love myself.

God cared about getting me into a place that I could clean it all up. Where I could put it all on the table and look at what I had took part in. Decide that that isn't want I wanted. Clean me up and start building me back up from shattered pieces. Filling me with the love he always intended me to know. So, I could know how I should be loved and begin to love others properly. Showing me being naive in letting people do me wrong was foolish. Teaching me boundaries and self-respect. Showing me what he always intended my life to look like. I thank God for my preparation in isolation.